NOT SO HIGH FIDELITY

People often ask me about the cultural shocks I've suffered in Gabon. I must say, I always have trouble thinking of something shocking enough... I suppose we have a tendency not to notice certain little things and as we get used to them, they cease to be differences to our eyes. However, there is one cultural difference which I find hard to understand and impossible to accept: the Central African concept of fidelity.

In Europe, being faithful to your life partner is the essential condition for a relationship to work. In Africa, being faithful to your life partner is not an option. The general belief is that all men - no exceptions! - cheat on their wives. Sadly, the more I talk to my African friends and acquaintances, the more true to life it seems. Clearly, the social permission to have as many lovers as you want works only for men. Women are supposed to tolerate their spouses' behaviour, and forgive, of course. Forgiveness and tolerance form a solid ground for a relationship, the Gabonese law teaches us. If, however, all women remained faithful to their partners, and all men cheated on their wives, who would the cheaters cheat with? But that's just a reflection of a silly European.

How did I arrive at the horrifying conclusion that all men cheat, though? Do not doubt me, my friends, for I have sufficient proof to support my case! Let me introduce you to several of the men I've met during my stay in Gabon. Read and judge for yourselves.

Jean is nearly thirty years old. He is still looking for his one and only. For now, he regularly sees two girls, claiming that he's in a relationship with a still different one. When asked about his bizarre relationship status, he tells me that men need their options, variety is a good thing and no man was made for only one woman. Does he intend to continue in this way for a long time? Of course. That's what it means to be a man.

Patrick is recently separated and has two kids. He continues living with his wife but they are both seeing other people. He doesn't like the fact that his ex-wife has a boyfriend. He intimates that all men cheat, they just hide it better than he did. At first he stayed faithful but in the end he succumbed to the laws of nature. His wife should understand and forgive him, for this is what it means to be a man. He hopes to get back together with his spouse.

Monsieur Mba is closing up on the noble age of seventy. Children? Yes, he has children. How many? Oh, well... With my legitimate wife, I have eight children. These are my house children (les enfants de la maison). Now, outside of marriage, I have... well, it's seventeen in total, so it means I must have nine. These are the outside children (les enfants de dehors). He stopped counting his grandchildren some time ago. You think Monsieur Mba is an extremely active exception? Think again.

Landry is a young professional. He adores pubs, discos and dancing. He pays a lot of attention to his appearance and likes to look at his reflection in the mirror. He has no trouble attracting female attention in the disco, and often ends up with a pretty girl on his lap. At such moments, he's greatful that his religious girlfriend - with whom he's in a steady relationship - doesn't like going out as much as he does.

And what about the female point of view? Meet Julienne, Jean's official girlfriend. She will inform you that she knows perfectly well about his affairs, so don't you dare take her for an ignorant idiot! And you can leave your shocked face at home, she will tell you. Life is what it is, and I love my boyfriend. He cheats on me, yes, but I know he loves me, too. What if I break up with him, and find another man? He will also cheat on me - they all do; but he might not be as nice as this one. So I would be much worse off than with Jean, can't you see?

For more information on how to deal with unfaithful husbands, I refer you to Amina, a popular magazine for women. Let me quote the opinion of Valerie, who sees eye to eye with many African women:

Forgiveness is the cement of your home. Of course I'm ready to forgive my unfaithful spouse! Yes, it's difficult but not impossible. Actually, I've already done it, and I'm ready to do it again. Where can we find a faithful man? We should ask ourselves this: if we leave our man, will we be able to find a better one? I think not. It is thus better to stay with the one we already know, the one we have kids with, and not hope to find a faithful man, a rare bird. I try to communicate with my husband. I ask him what went wrong, why did he end up in his lover's arms. I ask him to promise that he won't do it again, even though in my heart I know he will. And the most important thing is that he uses protection, especially against AIDS, so that he doesn't pass it on to me (Amina, issue 484, p.22).

When I tell African men that my boyfriend is faithful to me, they laugh and wink at Jandro. Clearly, they think he's doing a fantastic job lying to me. And how trained I am to protect him, too! They seriously don't believe me. Instead, they offer Jandro to present him to their many female friends, if he ever feels lonely.

So, dear male readers of this blog, do be honest! Are you or are you not big huge cheaters to remain thus forever and ever? The time for answers has come. I am waiting.

INTO THE LABYRINTH

Even though most people say that Gabon is lost between Europe (France) and Africa and that it has little to do with real African life, it does not cease to surprise us. Usually it works like this: you see something, you ask yourself: what on earth...?, and then you start looking for an explanation. Sometimes there are more experienced expatriates to help you, sometimes you must figure it out on your own. Here are some of the Gabonese mysteries that we managed to solve.

Problem 1 - Why do most Gabonese people have two mobile phones?
Description: I don't just mean the rich. The majority of Libreville boasts two mobiles! The European solution is simple: one mobile for professional and the other for private contacts. But then you look around and a very relevant question comes to mind: why would a waitress or a coconut vendor need two mobiles?
Solution: There are two main mobile phone networks in Gabon: Zain and Libertis. It is very expensive to make phone calls from one network to another. For this reason, most Gabonese people use two numbers and two mobiles: they call their Zain friends from their Zain card, while they have another card for their Libertis contacts. Note: if you have some money and you find the idea of two mobiles uncomfortable, you can invest in a phone which allows two SIM cards simultaneously and has two sets of "call" buttons, so that you can use both cards at the same time. Most likely, these phones only exist in Africa.

Problem 2 - Why do Gabonese women hit themselves on their heads with their palms?
Description: At the restaurant, waiting for a taxi or chatting with a friend, many women suddenly start hitting themselves on the head with an open palm. This act of self-directed violence had us puzzled for a very long time. At first, we thought that it might have been some kind of ethnic social behaviour; in the end, some Gabonese men greet each other by banging their temples together several times. However, women kept acting in this bizzare way even when they were alone. Worse still, it seemed they were applying a lot of force. Were they thinking hard? Were they punishing themselves? For all we knew, they could've been praying!
Solution: When I was told the actual reason for all this, I couldn't stop laughing at its simplicity. There is nothing mystical about it, either. As you probably know, African women wear elaborate hairdos, consisting of dozens of plaits and the like. The plaits are very tight and so the skin on the head might itch or ache. To ease the itching without ruining their plaits, they hit themselves on the head rather than scratch it. Mind you, this only proves that we are equally vain about our looks all over the world!

Problem 3 - Why does every person seem to have a different wrist action for stopping a taxi?
Description: All right, so maybe this is not the most interesting anthropological investigation topic but for some a long time we were really puzzled. In order to stop a passing taxi, some people keep their fists close to their heads and, pointing their thumb left or right, energetically move their wrists. Others will extend their arms and with the index fingers pointing down, move the whole arm. Others still will perform a completely different action. Consequently, we kept wondering if there was a secret code behind all this. And guess what...?, there is.
Solution: Again, the explanation (which I discovered on my own, experimenting) is surprisingly simple. With their thumbs and index fingers people show the taxi driver the direction in which they are going. For example, if I'm standing in front of my house, and want to go to Jandro's office, I should point down with my index finger, which means "straight". In this way, only the taxis that are going my way will stop (saves my time and theirs). If, however, I want to take the first right and go to the gym, I should raise my arm and point right with my thumb, which sends the relevant message to the taximen. Can you believe it took me eight months to figure it out?

Problem 4 - Why are there shoes hanging from cables all over the city?
Description: In many parts of Libreville (especially the quartiers populaires), as well as in villages, we've seen shoes hanging from electric or telephone cables. Sometimes more than just one pair. It instantly made me think of Big Fish; in this film there was a villgage, where the inhabitants' shoes were hanging from cables in the exact same way, preventing them from leaving the place.
Solution: None. I've asked several people and nobody knows. Can you help?

Discovering these little things about Gabon is both fascinating and exhausting. With every new solution new questions appear, a great labyrinth of questions, really. Living in a different culture lets you enter the labyrinth and wonder around it, always knowing, however, that you will never find the exit. You might make a little map and understand parts of it, but you will never see it as a whole. You will keep trying, though, it's the only right thing to do.

Picture downloaded here.